Alex Hope Read online

  ‘Alex,’ she called.

  I tried to get closer to her.

  ‘Alex!’ she called again, her voice husky and alluring.

  I tried to form her name on my lips but it wouldn’t come. I didn’t know why. I knew her name, didn’t I?

  ‘Alex!’ she called.

  I blinked my eyes and woke. It was then I heard my mother’s voice called me.

  ‘Alex! Dinner!’

  ‘I’m coming!’ I called, and got up from the bed. Frowning to myself, I headed down the stairs. Who was the woman in my dreams? And why did it seem so important that I get to her?

  Downstairs, I had dinner with my parents and then went back to my room. I found myself on my laptop, scrolling through posts about people who thought they were psychic and who-like me-could hear other people’s thoughts. I read it all and found nothing useful that could help me. I didn’t know how I was going to deal with it all, especially once I went back to work in two days’ time. It was going to be so hard, I mused. I worked in an office which was large and had a lot of people in it. Would I be able to cope with all the noise and activity-doubled by the fact that it would be thoughts as well as voices?

  Two days later, I rose early and prepared for work. I was very nervous as I got in my car and started the engine. The car was new, having written off the old one. I had spent the last two days shopping at used-car sales garages with my Dad.

  The engine roared to life and I took a deep breath of courage. Get back on the horse, I told myself. Driving gave me freedom and I didn’t want to lose that by not driving again. This accident wasn’t going to slow me down! I assured myself of that.

  I drove the short distance to work in blissful quiet. That was rare for me now. Since waking from the induced coma, I felt like I hadn’t had a moments peace. My head was always full-and it was always full of thoughts and feelings that I didn’t want to have.

  When I arrived at work, I parked in the staff car park and climbed out of the car. I then headed for the lift which would take me up to the police station.

  As I did, I saw a woman waiting for the lift too. She worked in my office but I barely spoke to her usually.

  ‘Good morning,’ I said politely, stepping up beside her to wait for the lift.

  ‘Oh, hello, Alex! I heard about your accident,’ she commented, as her thoughts began to run wild. ‘How are you?’

  ‘Yeah, alright,’ I said, while I tried to shake off her thoughts.

  ‘That’s the lesbian one,’ her inner voice began, ‘and look at the state of her face! What a mess!’ she said without speaking, while her mouth moved again. ‘Poor you! It sounded like an awful accident! I’m glad you’ve managed to recover so well.’

  I nodded, turning away as the lift arrived. ‘Thanks.’

  As we got on the lift, we fell into an uneasy silence. The trouble was; while neither of us spoke, her thoughts invaded my head and they weren’t kind or respectful. I tried to contain my fury as she thought about female sexuality and quietly judged me. I clenched my fists and waited for the lift to open. Mercifully, it soon did.

  ‘See you later!’ she called and turned to leave, her thoughts now turning to a mental to-do list for the day.

  ‘Bye,’ I said sullenly, feeling distraught inside. Was that what people thought about me really, I wondered? I was a lipstick lesbian in that woman’s head…she wondered whether I had ever tried sex with a real man to show me what it was all about. I shook my head to myself. Some people, I mused…they just didn’t understand. It would be wrong of me to try and make them.

  ‘Alex!’

  I turned towards my boss who greeted me with open arms. Robert Wade was a bear of a man and despite his size, was the warmest and kindest man I knew. He enveloped me in a hug and patted my back in a daughterly fashion.

  ‘Good to have you back! Good god, what did you do to yourself! Look at your face!’ he exclaimed, his thoughts running with concern and worry.

  ‘I’m fine, Rob. Recovering nicely in fact. You don’t need to worry about me.’

  He laughed, a loud chortle. ‘Have you seen your face, Alex?’

  ‘Yeah,’ I sighed. ‘Well, that’s what happens when you hit your head at 70mph.’

  ‘Hmm…I hope never to find that out,’ he commented. ‘So anyway…are you well enough to be here? I don’t want you here if you’re not fit and well!’

  ‘I’m fine,’ I told him, nodding. ‘I want to get back to work. I need some normality after everything that has happened.’

  ‘I’ll bet. Well, you know where I am if you need anything,’ he said, patting my arm with his hand.

  ‘Thanks Rob. I appreciate that.’

  He smiled at me and his thoughts were kind, gentle. He had been concerned about me and he was glad to have me back. I smiled at him warmly. It was so nice when someone’s thoughts were well-meaning for a change.

  ‘I’m going to get back to it,’ I told him, indicating my desk.

  ‘Yes, yes, you go…go work, minion!’ he joked.

  I laughed, ‘Yes sir!’

  He was a good boss and supportive. He also had a good sense of humour. It was refreshing. I headed for my desk with a smile on my face.

  Chapter 3

  Several hours later, my smile had disappeared. In its place was a frown. I couldn’t take it anymore. All around me there was noise. I couldn’t escape it. People chatted and spoke about work all around me but that wasn’t what was getting to me. It was thoughts running this way and that; burdening my brain and making me ache with fatigue. It was just too much having to hear it all. My head was swimming and I couldn’t even function anymore.

  By lunchtime, it was too much. I stood up, marched to Rob’s office and knocked.

  ‘Alex! Come in!’

  I walked in, sat down and burst into tears.

  ‘Alex, good heavens! What on earth is wrong?’ he asked me, handing me tissues immediately.

  ‘I think I’ve made a mistake, Rob. I think this might have been too soon,’ I told him tearfully.

  ‘Well of course it is! I thought the very same when you called to say you’d be in! You take some time off…you have holiday to take anyway! Why don’t you just go and get some peace somewhere?’ he suggested.

  I looked up at him, realising that he had nailed the answer in one sentence. ‘You know what? You’re right!’ I exclaimed. ‘That’s exactly what I should do!’

  ‘Just get away from it all for a while. Take a break from everything. Maybe go away for a bit. Your job will be waiting here when you return.’

  ‘I…are you sure that’s okay?’

  ‘Yes, I’m sure. In fact, I think it would be best for all concerned. I don’t want to see you for at least two weeks, Alex.’

  ‘Two weeks!’ I exclaimed. I hadn’t been off work for that long in a lifetime.

  ‘Two weeks…you’re owed more than that so just take it.’

  I nodded, miserably. Two weeks.

  ‘But please take care of yourself,’ he requested.

  I nodded. ‘I will.’

  ‘Have you got someone to keep an eye out for you?’

  ‘Yeah…I’m actually staying with my parents at the moment.’

  ‘Oh good. Well, go on then…we’ll see you in a few weeks. You take care! Okay?’

  I nodded. ‘Okay. Thanks Rob. You’re a good boss and a good friend.’

  He smiled. ‘Take care, Alex.’

  ‘Yeah. Bye!’

  ‘Bye Alex.’

  I collected my things from my desk and very quickly headed towards my car.

  When I got back to my parent’s house, I found that my Dad was at work and my Mum had gone out. Bored and in search of purpose, I headed to my bedroom and sat on the bed, on my laptop.

  I started by setting up a website-something I had recently learned to do. I had decided to try and help my Dad but knew he would need a push in the right direction.

  I worked on his new website for two hours, adding information and details before go
ing down to his work shed and taking photos to add to the site. When I was half way through, I found myself distracted. I saved my work and then navigated to another site.

  I found myself feeling in search of some kind of sanctuary. If I was going to have a holiday, I may as well take a break away, I mused. The trouble was, the holiday I desired was pretty specific. I wanted to be in the middle of nowhere and somewhere where I would not be around people. I had had enough of people and their wayward thoughts. I would go somewhere secluded; somewhere quiet.

  I searched and searched but everywhere was too populated for my liking. I racked my brain for the least populated area in the UK and came up with an idea. Scotland! I quickly typed and found a whole list of cabins which I could stay in. I searched and searched and eventually hit the jackpot. I found a single cabin which was supposedly in the middle of nowhere. I looked at the availability and it was free for the next week. I booked it there and then, knowing that I needed some time with my own thoughts. Everyone else’s could go to hell! I needed some time alone.

  With that job done, I picked up my laptop and headed down the stairs. My Mum arrived home just as reached the bottom step.

  ‘Oh, you scared me!’ she exclaimed and then looked at her watch in confusion. ‘I wasn’t expecting you home yet!’

  ‘No…’ I murmured, trailing behind her into the lounge. ‘I had a bad day…’

  ‘How come?’ she asked, looking at me with concern and her thoughts following that pattern.

  ‘It was all too much, Mum. I had to come home.’

  ‘Too much too soon? I feared as much…’

  ‘Yeah, well…I think I just went back before I had fully recovered.’

  ‘I’ll say! Well, no matter now-you can relax at home with us, right?’ she smiled.

  ‘Uh, actually no.’

  ‘No?’ she frowned.

  ‘I’ve taken two-weeks off,’ I told her, ‘but I’m going to go on holiday.’

  ‘You are? Where to?’ she asked.

  ‘Scotland,’ I told her.

  Her eyebrows raised. ‘Scotland? Why so far away and surely not alone?’ she said, her thoughts running away with her about me being in a car a long time and driving a long way.

  ‘Yes, Scotland. I’ve always wanted to go to Scotland and it’s a good chance to get away while I have holiday. It’ll be fine, Mum.’

  ‘Alone? You’re not going alone?’

  I could hear her thoughts. She was going to forbid me going unless I had company. Even though I was a grown adult, she still worried constantly.

  ‘I’m not going alone, Mum, so you can relax. My friend is going with me-she has holiday time too.’

  ‘Which friend?’

  ‘My old friend from University who lives in York…I’m going to meet her en-route and we’ll go together up to Scotland.’

  ‘Oh…well, I guess if you’ll have company…’

  ‘I’ll be fine!’ I told her.

  ‘Alex! You’ve just been the victim of a major road accident! Forgive me for worrying just a little bit!’ she exclaimed passionately.

  I nodded. ‘Sorry Mum…I just…I need a break…away from everything and everyone. It’s no reflection on you and Dad. You’ve been amazing.’

  She nodded and sniffed. ‘It’s been so lovely to have you here and home, honey.’

  ‘It has been for me too,’ I assured her. ‘Look, I’m only going away for a week. The following week we can spend together-we can do lots of things as a family.’

  ‘Okay…great! That sounds lovely.’

  I smiled at her. ‘Good…hey, do you want to see what else I’ve been doing?’ I asked her.

  She cocked her head at me curiously. ‘Yes? What?’ she asked.

  ‘Look!’ I said, opening my laptop.

  ‘My goodness! That’s your Dad’s work!’

  ‘I’m building him a website…’ I told her.

  ‘Goodness me, doesn’t it look professional!’

  ‘Thanks,’ I smiled, liking the compliment. ‘Do you think Dad will like it?’

  ‘I think he’ll love it! Gosh, it makes you realise how talented he is, doesn’t it?’ she gushed.

  ‘He is, Mum! He is so talented! It would be such a shame to waste all that talent!’

  ‘I think you’re right.’

  ‘I might keep going with it until he gets home…it might spur him on to try and get this moving.’

  ‘Well don’t forget there’s loads more of his work in the loft. He ran out of space in the shed so I made him store it all up there.’

  ‘No way! Can I go and investigate? The more pictures, the better.’

  ‘You go ahead…I’ll get some dinner started.’

  ‘Thanks Mum,’ I said, enjoying being looked after and fed.

  ‘I’ll see you in a bit,’ she said, turning.

  ‘Yeah…I’ll be up in the loft.’

  I spent the next hour digging through the loft and photographing my father’s work. There were some amazing pieces of work there which just lay dormant. The idea of him selling them for good money made me feel determined to help him.

  When I had taken enough photos, I then sat and read through old journals I found. I had always written a diary as a teenager and it was fascinating to leaf through all the words I had written. My thoughts and musings ranged from funny to heart-breaking as I made it through to the year when I had discovered my true sexuality.

  ‘Alex! Dinner’s ready!’ my mother called from below.

  I carefully packed the journals back into their box and made my way downstairs with my phone. I would add the photos to the website later.

  In the kitchen, my Mum and Dad were just sitting down.

  ‘Oh hey, Dad! I didn’t hear you come in!’

  ‘Just arrived,’ he said sombrely, his face weary from exhaustion. I could hear him in my head. All he wanted to do was take a shower and sleep, but he also didn’t want to sleep as it would bring about another day of the same torture at work.

  I sighed and looked at him closely. ‘You don’t look well, Dad.’

  ‘I’m just tired,’ he told me, sadly. ‘I’m getting old, remember?’ he joked, smiling at me kindly.

  ‘You’re not old, Dad-you just have a shitty job that you should leave,’ I told him bluntly.

  ‘Chance would be a fine thing,’ he said, looking at me with wide eyes.

  ‘Well, on that note-I did something for you today,’ I told him, opening the laptop to show him.

  I loaded up the page and then passed the computer to him to browse through. His face was a picture as he navigated from page to page.

  ‘Alex!’ he finally said, when he had finished looking.

  He didn’t need to speak, I had heard it all already from his thoughts. He was blown away by what I had done for him and was feeling hopeful that this would be the answer to his woes. I smiled at him kindly.

  ‘This is incredible, Alex. You did all this for me?’

  I nodded. ‘I did, Dad, yes…I reckon you can do this. I think you could match your earnings by doing this instead,’ I told him.

  ‘You’ll help me? Show me all this internet stuff I don’t understand?’ he asked.

  I nodded. ‘Of course,’ I smiled.

  ‘Oh Alex, this is amazing!’

  ‘It will be, Dad…I can just feel it.’ I wasn’t lying either. I knew this was the start of something huge for him, even though I didn’t know why I knew that. Something told me that this was the right direction for him. It was almost like I was being guided to help him.

  ‘Come on you two-eat your dinner while it’s hot. We can talk after tea.’

  ‘We most certainly can,’ my Dad said happily.

  After tea, I joined my Dad in his shed to show him through the website. We set up a PayPal account for him to be paid through and I showed him how to send and receive money. I then asked him to help me price up all his work and we set reasonable prices besides each photo. When we were done, I went through it carefully one more ti
me before making the website live.

  ‘What happens now?’ he asked me, looking at the website curiously.

  ‘Well, we wait and see…we see if anyone buys anything.’

  ‘Ah…’

  ‘We should get you known though. We should set you up a Facebook page with a link to your website so everyone can see your work.’

  ‘I don’t know how to do all that.’

  ‘That’s fine, because you have me to help,’ I told him happily. The next hour was spent doing just that.

  By the time night had arrived, and the various new sites were active, I felt tired and weary. I excused myself to go to bed as my father stayed to finish a project he was working on. I fell into bed feeling knackered but also feeling productive. A bad start to the day had been turned around to a positive end. Helping others often did that, I found. I closed my eyes and saw green eyes with the fleck of brown. She tried to speak to me but I couldn’t hear her words. I drifted off into sleep, dreaming of her beautiful eyes.

  Chapter 4

  The following morning, I awoke early. I still carried the image of a woman’s eyes with me, even as I went downstairs to have breakfast.

  ‘Morning,’ I said sleepily.

  ‘Morning, honey,’ my Dad said, sitting at the table in front of the laptop. ‘Alex, can you look at this?’ he asked me. ‘I don’t understand it…’

  ‘What is it, Dad?’

  ‘I have messages in my PayPal account apparently but I don’t know how to get to them.’

  ‘Okay,’ I said, sitting beside him and talking it through with him patiently. I didn’t understand other’s frustration at older people using computers. It was new and different and I was always willing to help if either my mother or father needed help.

  ‘Here…so we log into your PayPal,’ I said, and wrote in his email and password.

  His account popped up and I immediately gasped.